11:15 PM
sidhaartha
(They are ALL looking in the WRONG direction,sort of tells you how wasted they all were at Elrond’s party)
I must admit at the start, I am a huge fan of the novel, and I keep reiterating (as if Peter Jackson gives a fuck!) for everybody’s benefit that it is the one movie that lives up to the novel.It is the single most awesome novel I have ever read, complete in all ways. It also is a landmark movie considering it single handedly brought about the rise of sci-fi novels, which I like to call the Potter Syndrome (the movie made the other novels in the genre more popular, because people never bothered to read the books) and at the same time made a 12 hr long movie totally acceptable to a generation that has an attention span of only 15 minutes.
On a side note –
Fortunately, even with the short attention span, people haven’t started tattooing shit on themselves like Ghazni/Memento. That is an extremely inaccurate way of holding on to memories, and I can see SOOOO many loopholes like –
· What if you run out of body space? Or
· What if you get your revenge and still wake up and search for a dead man?
Man, if I found out that someone around me had memory loss and that he tattooed “post it” notes on his body – I would mindfuck the guy. I would tattoo stuff like –
‘You fucked your dog’ , ‘You had a sex change operation’, ‘You organized the 9-11 attack and your family worked in the WTC” on HIS body and hang around when he wakes up to see his reaction. I would observe him EVERY morning, because his reaction would NEVER get old…anyway, coming back…
LOTR is one of the biggest hits of the century, but consider the premise the movie/novel is based on:
1. There is a village of 4” tall man-children (man-childs? Men-children? Men-child?) who live in holes and admittedly spend the day smoking Shire’weed’. This also explains the dragon stories Uncle Bilbo keeps talking about –“There was a giant dragon who lived in a cave full of treasures”-
Yeah right uncle, next you’ll say you’ve met giant eagles, spiders, dwarves and man-bears…OHH, YOU DO BELIEVE THAT SHIT TOO…(refer The Hobbit)
(SHIT!!!! I am sorry for doubting you…I totally agree with your dragon theory, Jesus!!!)
2. Then enter the local Drug Dealer, Gandalf the Grey(it is a very ghetto sort of name, the name itself indicates a shady(grey) character). He comes with a cart full of “STUFF” and everybody runs around to greet him and sample the wares. He visits the house of his Most Loyal Customer – Bilbo – and informs Bilbo that there is a Mother-of-All RAVE party being held at his boss’s (Elrond’s) house – Rivendell. Obviously, it is by invitation only, and Elrond wants to thank Bilbo for his loyalty.
3. Now there is obviously more than 1 drug dealer in the area. Gandalf and Saruman are fierce rivals, and in the beginning Saruman is the stronger one. Let me explain the flow of drugs:
- Galadriel (from Lothlorien):
She is the main supplier of the best STUFF in the country. There are other centres in Mirkwood (where Legolas comes from), but the best shit comes from these forests.
- Elrond, the muscle, and the financier (Rivendell):
He organizes the parties for the who’s who of the fantasy country and promotes Galadriel’s Stuff. They decide to tie-up with Gandalf, the dealer, who has great sales techniques and is familiar with the common people.
Together, they are the most powerful drug cartel in the country.
(Yes, the cartel has the stereotyped rings for identification, to the doped out customers these rings supposedly allow the wearer to communicate telepathically)
4. So, now at this RAVE PARTY, dwarves, elves, men and the hobbits have all come. There, in a pot session like the ones in ‘That 70s Show’, they all decide the RING(a poor simple wedding band) is evil and must be thrown into a Volcano. And so, they form a Fellowship, and swear to stay together and always be there for each other and stuff like that which is spoken when one’s high.
Elrond explains to them that he has been to the Volcano( which is some sort of highest peak you can reach when you are high), and that he was blown away by it. Unfortunately, a friend of his (Isildur) couldn’t handle it, and died due to an overdose.
Now, everybody at the party wants to get to that high, so the drugs start flowing in earnest.
Of all the celebrities in Rivendell, 4 came close to the “Volcano” – Aragorn, Gandalf, Legolas and Gimli. A few hours later, Frodo and Sam appear out of nowhere, looking disheveled and walking awkwardly. They explain that they reached the Volcano, and that touching each other helped them go over the edge (well, they are borderline gay throughout the novel anyway, hugging at the drop of a hat, and they even had a threesome with Gollum).
(Gollum after the threesome)
Still high, Gandalf urges them to “take care” of his rival – Saruman, and they all go and kill Saruman by throwing him out of his window.
On the way back to Rivendell, Aragorn says, “I am the King of Gondor”, and everybody salutes him. Gandalf gets off his horse and stumbles over to him, placing an imaginary crown on his head. Aragorn smiles happily, knowing even he will get to the Volcano, after all there is no other use of Arwen in the whole damn movie. Might as well have put a sex scene so that we could have seen Liv Tyler naked(refer pic below)
(If I was the director, I would have convinced her that the character required her to strip….damn waste)
