The Boy Who Lived…Why Won't You Die?? Part 1 ~ Sher N Chan

So finally after a decade the final chapter of Harry Potter comes to an end. But what an end man! After the incredibly slow Half Blood Prince which somewhat put me to sleep I had almost given up on this franchise. Before I continue I wish to declare to any and all rabid fans out there that the following article takes it source material from the depiction in the films since I have read only 2 out of the 7 books(Sorcerer Stone and Goblet of Fire). So forgive my ignorance about the Potter folklore.

This last one finally over-compensated the lack of action that had been missing from the past two films. We finally see the wizards getting their wand on and man are they pissed in this one. But there’s one guy who is more pissed and frustrated than everyone else. Who do you ask?

Voldemort

After the 30 minutes of relishing in the afterglow of this epic climax I began wondering about how at every instance of his encounter with Potter, Voldemort has had a shitty luck streak. I mean the dude just can’t catch a break . Not that he hasn’t had his share of poor decisions, but I still felt a little sorry for the guy. So as a favour to the future aspiring Voldemorts out there lets list some of the unfortunate and pitiful pitfalls they should avoid :

1st

When he encounters Harry at the end killing him is not exactly on top of his mind I reckon with the focus more on the philosopher’s stone (man that thing almost killed the franchise. get it?) but that little bespectacled beiber botches his plan of self preservation by burning his way through his face by simply touching. I mean 11 year olds shouldn’t be too hard to kill, let alone by the “Dark Lord” (you can wear other colors too you know) but fine we’ll let the first one slide. Comebacks ain’t always smooth.

Lesson learnt: Wear protective headgear next time.

2nd

Monster Snakes. Giant fucking monster snakes who can kill you by simply staring, you simply cannot go wrong with that! He didn’t even had to hurt, all he had to manage a proper intro :

Tom: Yo Harry! Hey how are you bro??

Harry: Hey tom .Wait.. what’s wrong with Ginny ?

Tom: Oh I guess she was just partying too much bro. Hey yo! I want you to meet my buddy . Basilisk meet harry ..harry , Basillisk.

Harry: Ohh he…..(Dead)

But again somehow he does manage to screw this one up. His fault I guess for thinking too little of his prof. But I guess don’t we all. (Btw punk Voldemort sounds so much better)

Lesson Learnt: Watch Hitchcock’s ‘Birds’..they can do nasty shit.

3rd

This time he does actually does manage to catch a break by not hanging around like a useless lump of parasite and at least make a decent form out of him (everyone knows with supervillains presentation matters)

The Dynamic Duo

This time no excuses buddy, you got a body, you got the boy and hey you got the opportunity for a splashy celebration as well.. I’m thinking Pete Sampras comeback victory at US open only you know..with a Triwizard Cup. So who spoils the party this time? Harry’s parents! Some high fundae concept called Priori Incantatem that Voldemort forgot to brush up on. So what happens? Dead people start to shoot out of Voldi’s wand and Potter disappears like a fart in the wind (talk about a premature ejaculation).