Why movies with kids are irksome to watch

Ok, so I guess the title speaks about my attitude towards films with “cute kids doing cute things”. But the truth is, I am not averse to casting children in films, as long as they behave like kids we see do and portray what comes naturally to them. More often than not, they hamper the screenplay with their ‘supposedly cute acts’. Kids do crazy stuff in a film – right from acting as messengers for love birds, provoke gang fights(like in Anjali) and man up to face villains as evil as Mogambo. And when you finish the movie and give it a little thought, you wonder which kid wears belt on half pants and that too with a magnet? Girl characters are often more irritating than little boys. We will see why shortly.

Awwww.. adorable aren't they? Brats!

Earlier in films, children were never really given a role worthy of a mention in the credits. (I am referring to the Guru Dutt era). There is this belief, that infants are avatars of the Almighty (and that he dumps their body when they begin to wonder why ‘fuck’ is a cuss word when ‘fuck’ is what their parents did to get him). The film makers carried this belief onto the screen in devotional movies. Kids played young Gods. The strange thing is that female children portrayed male Gods in their childhood. So what we got was a pretty, cuter and squeaky voiced kid God. All my childhood I had hoped to play the role of Lord Ganesha in a play and went into severe depression when I was told that those parts are reserved for girls (I laid claim to that role because of my close resemblance physically to Ganesha, save for the face.). One more reason undermining the need for the Women’s Reservation Bill.

What is intriguing is that such an approach was not restricted to films, but also crept into the silver screen. I was never a big fan of Shakalaka Boom Boom, luckily. But I shudder to imagine the shock that little boys would have experienced that they could never be mushroom-cut donning, magic pencil ‘boy’. God knows if the producers could not find a suitable boy by Vikram Seth for the role of the protagonist. Even superheroes are prejudiced against the male child. Shaktimaan had the tenacity to peep into a boy when he was carrying out his business and reprimand him for not washing his hands or something. He literally scared the shit out of him!

The boy that wasn't

Like I said before, girl characters are more irritating than boys. The character in Pyaar Impossible was a sore to the eye and ears. Clearly the character was sadistic, arrogant and more Hitlerish than childish in the way the fool that was Tushar Kapoor was treated. The way she derived pleasure from a tied up Kapoor, bordered on a fetish for bondage. Seriously? In a 6 odd year old kid?

I guess I made my point clear. In the above cases, the root of the abhorrence was either due to the producers treat the kids’ characters, the ridiculous plots they were involved in or the fact that boys were denied an opportunity. Now let me extend my exegesis to a broader section. Boys are not far behind. Darsheel was an exception because I guess he fit the role to a T. The stereotype of children based movies was built on the brats in ‘Mr. India’, which ruins the character. Every kid must do cute things and earn your pity when they are harassed. The lads in Chillar Party make you want to lower their pants and cane them. They run around in chaddi and teach the society a lesson. Wow! They give a new meaning to the Chaddi-Banian gang. One more interesting thing to note is that kid Sardars are quite the opposite of what they turn out to be as adults – they crack jokes on others!

You seriously think Slumdog was the only film to show India in poor light?

The trouble with the film makers is they do not distinguish between the kid in say, ‘Baby’s Day Out’ (that baby was indeed cute) and the 5-10 yr olds. What they need is to watch films like the recently released ‘Deiva Thirumagal’ to really exploit a kid’s talents. Storylines like that of ‘Makdee’ are interesting. Kids are fun to watch as long as they do not act, but play what they are in real life.

Posted in: Chillar Party,Films,Motwani,Shakalaka Boom Boom,Shaktimaan,TV Series